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COLONIALS
Movie Review by David Blackwell

80 minutes
STUDIO: Bland Productions/ Colonials Film
RELEASE DATE: 4-11-2023
COLONIALS is just plain awful. It is a terribly written movie with poor direction. I love the visuals, production design, and costumes. I think Allie Ayers is the best actor as Exiles assassin Raven, but she is criminally underused as a character. The males characters are either poor actors or they didn't get the right directions from what is already a really bad script. The two scenes meant to be funny fall flat. There is nothing that flows right in an organic way. The writers stage scenes they think will be humor or be a way to inject a plot. COLONIALS has an universe of potential from what they have laid out in a great trailer and the mythology they set with this movie. COLONIALS just has terrible main characters (especially the males characters of Silas and Thomas). The music is mixed too high in main scenes especially the dialogue scenes where you hear the music more than what is being spoken by the characters.

I would have had told the writers of this film to rewrite the script and take out the humor and juvenile nature of the two male characters, take out most of the laughter from the main bad guy Grom which makes him an over the top cliché, and come up with ways to make the characters flow together and organically work towards a story that is actually good. I never want to see a movie fail, but COLONIALS is a disappointment that lets the viewer down on every level after being hooked by a great trailer to sell it. What you get is a badly written and directed extended trailer to set up the universe where the Colonials are at war with the exiles and Earth ahs a resistance cut off from the Colonials on Mars. We didn't need the character of Silas to be so irresponsibly terrible and suffer from a rather convenient loss of memory after his ship crashes on earth. It would have been great to see his two female crew members survive and make their way to Earth with him.

If you are going to watch COLONIALS, it is best to watch it for free on Tubi and not spend your money on renting or buying it on digital. I had high hopes for it after watching the trailer, but I'm glad I held off and just watched it for free. I hope the creative team behind COLONIALS can do so much better with their next movie because they could have done so much more with this and instead turned in a turd.

This movie review is ©8-22-2023 David Blackwell and cannot be reprinted without permission